Hi there, dear reader (and maybe future therapy enthusiast?). Let’s talk about something most therapists tiptoe around like a cat avoiding a bath: resistance. That’s right—resistance. It’s the part of you that’s clinging to the couch, arms crossed, going, “Change? Nope. Not today, buddy.”
I’m a TEAM-CBT therapist, and let me tell you, we don’t see resistance as the villain. Nope, we see it as the grumpy but lovable sidekick to your transformation story. And here’s a little secret: I don’t fight resistance—I work with it. Let’s dig into how I do that using Agenda Setting (or, as my hero Dr. David Burns calls it, Paradoxical Agenda Setting). Spoiler: this isn’t your garden-variety “let’s plan the session” agenda.
Resistance: The Frenemy You Didn’t Know You Had
Imagine this: you’re lying on my therapy couch (okay, I don’t actually have a couch; more like a chair, but go with it). You say, “I’m so tired of being anxious!” Naturally, you’d expect me to spring into action with techniques, worksheets, and possibly a life-size whiteboard. But here’s the kicker: if I dive in and start helping too fast, I might trigger something weird in you—a resistance to getting better. Sounds wild, right? Why would someone resist feeling better?
Here’s where Agenda Setting works its magic. We dig into what’s actually stopping you. It turns out, resistance isn’t laziness or weakness—it’s that tiny, overprotective part of you clutching a clipboard, saying, “Hold on, buddy. Are we sure we’re ready for this?”
Outcome Resistance: “But I Kind of Like My Anxiety…”
Let’s talk Outcome Resistance, which is therapist-speak for “Why don’t you actually want to let this go?” It sounds counterintuitive, but here’s an example to bring it home:
Meet Alex. Alex is a professional worrier—family, work, the future, even the weather forecast in 2085. I ask Alex, “If I gave you a magic button that instantly erased all your anxiety, would you press it?” At first, Alex says, “Of course!” But then we dig deeper.
Alex realizes something big: his worrying feels like love. By obsessing over his kids’ safety, he believes he’s protecting them from harm. No anxiety? That sounds like neglect to him. Suddenly, pressing that magic button doesn’t feel so magical—it feels terrifying.
See? Anxiety has its perks. It’s like that awful-but-delicious junk food you can’t quit. That’s Outcome Resistance—the sneaky reason we sometimes hold on to our problems.
Process Resistance: “I Have to Do What?”
Now let’s meet Maya, a serial procrastinator. Maya wants to stop scrolling TikTok and start writing her novel. But when I suggest something outrageous like actually sitting down and writing, Maya balks. “Do you know how hard that is?!” She’d rather imagine herself as the next J.K. Rowling than face the reality of sore wrists and bad first drafts.
This is Process Resistance, where the journey to change feels like a slog. It’s why we’d rather binge a show about fitness transformations than actually go to the gym ourselves. (If I had a dollar for every time I watched someone else jog while eating chips, I’d be retired by now.)
Why TEAM-CBT and Agenda Setting Are Game-Changers
Here’s where TEAM-CBT flips the script. Instead of wrestling your resistance, we celebrate it. Seriously. I’ll sit down with you and say, “Wow, your depression is doing a fantastic job protecting you from disappointment!” Or, “Your procrastination is a genius strategy to avoid failure.”
Sound weird? That’s the point. By honoring the positives behind your problem, we bring resistance into the light. And guess what happens when resistance feels seen? It softens. You stop clinging to the familiar because you don’t feel judged for it. That’s when the real work begins.
My Hero, Dr. David Burns (and His Jedi-Level Techniques)
Let’s take a moment to bow down to the man who made this all possible: Dr. David Burns. Dr. Burns pioneered these methods and gave therapists like me a superpower: the ability to address resistance with compassion and humor instead of brute force.
He even gave us tools like the Paradoxical Cost-Benefit Analysis, where we list all the advantages of staying stuck. You heard that right—I help my clients sell themselves on staying exactly the same. And paradoxically, that’s what makes change irresistible.
Therapy Is a Collaboration, Not a Fix-It Shop
Here’s what I love about Agenda Setting: it’s about YOU. Not me fixing you, not me shoving advice down your throat. It’s a conversation—a deep dive into your subconscious motivations.
And let me tell you, working with a TEAM-CBT therapist isn’t like traditional therapy. We don’t just listen and nod. We test, explore, and problem-solve with you. We measure your progress every step of the way, so you know we’re on the right track.
Ready to Melt Resistance Like Butter?
If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of “Why can’t I change?” it might not be you—it might be your resistance. And that’s okay. Resistance is just fear wearing a clever disguise. With the right tools and the right therapist (cough me or another TEAM-CBT superstar), you can work through it and finally move forward.
So, what do you say? Let’s get to the root of what’s holding you back and start building the life you’ve always wanted. And hey, if your resistance shows up, don’t worry—I’ll make sure it feels heard too.
Final Shout-Out
Thank you, Dr. Burns, for teaching us how to laugh with resistance, dance with it, and eventually bid it a fond farewell. Without your genius, therapy wouldn’t be half as effective—or fun. 😊
Soban is a TEAM-CBT Therapist based in Ontario, Canada.