Hello, dear reader! Grab your favorite beverage—tea, coffee, or whatever you’ve convinced yourself is your “calming ritual”—because today, we’re diving headfirst into the murky waters of sadness, depression, and the occasional awkward hug from life’s emotional rollercoaster. Spoiler alert: You’re allowed to feel sad. You’re even allowed to feel miserable—two days a week, max. (Yes, I’m looking at you, who’s milking your misery like it’s a Netflix series.)
Now, let’s unpack this: Sadness and depression. Same thing, right? Nope. Not even close. Sadness is like a drizzle on a cozy day; depression is a never-ending hurricane where all your umbrellas break at once.
The Five-Day Happy, Two-Day Miserable Rule
Dr. David Burns, a wise philosopher of the “Emotional Kingdom” (translation: psychologist), once said:
“You’re entitled to five happy days a week and two miserable ones. If you’re sad all seven days, you need a tune-up. If you’re happy all seven days…we need to check your medication.”
Let’s face it: Nobody’s happy all the time. If someone tells you otherwise, they’re probably lying or running a pyramid scheme. Feeling sad is a natural response to life’s hiccups—like when your dog ignores you for the UPS guy, or you accidentally reply-all to an office email with a GIF of a dancing llama.
The key takeaway? Feeling sad isn’t the problem. Staying sad—without a plan to move forward—is where we hit the emotional pothole.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Emotions: The Lowdown
Sadness can be good. Depression? Not so much.
Picture this: You snap at your kid because they’ve turned “homework time” into an interpretive dance performance. You feel terrible (as you should) and apologize. That’s healthy sadness—the remorse nudges you to fix your mistake.
Now imagine you spiral into a self-blame marathon: I’m a terrible parent. My kid will grow up to write a tell-all memoir about how I ruined their life. That’s unhealthy guilt fueled by distorted thoughts. Congratulations, you’ve entered the emotional black hole where nothing productive happens.
Your Brain is a Drama Queen (But You Can Tame It)
Here’s the deal: Your emotions don’t just “happen.” They’re triggered by your thoughts. Let me introduce you to two fictional characters who live rent-free in your head:
- Healthy Helga: She has valid thoughts like, I made a mistake, but I can fix it.
- Catastrophic Carl: He says things like, I spilled coffee on my shirt—clearly, I’m unfit for adulting.
Guess which one gets you into trouble? Yup, Carl. Every time. Your thoughts can distort reality faster than your favorite filter on Instagram. But don’t worry—there’s hope. You can fire Carl with a little cognitive work. (Sorry, Carl.)
Cognitive Specificity: The Fancy Term for “Thoughts Create Emotions”
Dr. David Burns’ emotional cheat sheet goes like this:
- Anxiety: You’re fortune-telling disaster (The plane will crash because I booked the middle seat).
- Depression: You’re mourning losses that may not even be real (I’m a failure because I didn’t win “Parent of the Year”).
- Guilt/Shame: You’re self-judging (I forgot my friend’s birthday. Clearly, I’m a garbage human).
- Anger: You’re playing the blame game (Why does this train always make me late? Spoiler: The train doesn’t care about your schedule).
The trick? Learn to spot the thought behind the feeling. If Carl is spinning another tale of doom, it’s time to challenge him with facts.
Sadness as Celebration: Wait, What?
Here’s the curveball: Sadness can actually be beautiful. (Yes, I said it. Don’t cancel me yet.) Dr. Davey shared a story about an elderly patient passing away. His family gathered around to say goodbye, and he—yes, the “professional” doctor—cried. He could’ve hidden his tears, but he didn’t. Why? Because sadness, when it’s real and healthy, connects us. It reminds us of love, life, and what matters most.
So the next time you feel sad about something that truly matters, lean into it. Cry. Ugly cry if you must. (Just don’t record it for TikTok—boundaries, people.) Healthy sadness is proof you’re alive and capable of love.
Depression is the Party Crasher
On the flip side, depression is sadness’s obnoxious cousin who overstays their welcome. Depression doesn’t just make you sad—it convinces you life isn’t worth it. It whispers lies like:
- You’ll never be happy again.
- Everyone is better off without you.
- This is forever.
If you’re stuck in this loop, know there’s help. Dr. Davey and the emotional brainiacs of the world have techniques that can turn things around faster than you can say, “I need therapy.” Seriously, don’t wait. Depression is not a mood—it’s a storm, and you don’t have to weather it alone.
Final Thoughts: Emotional Maintenance is Key
Think of your emotions like a car (bear with me). Sadness is the check engine light—it’s a signal to pull over and address what’s wrong. Depression is ignoring the light until smoke pours from the hood. The moral? Tune-ups aren’t just for cars. Check in with your emotions, challenge those distorted thoughts, and for the love of Carl, give yourself a break.
Remember: Life isn’t about being happy 24/7. It’s about navigating the ups and downs with a healthy dose of humor, self-compassion, and maybe a dancing llama GIF. Stay balanced, friends. And give Carl an eviction notice.
Soban is psychotherapist from Ontario, Canada who is also a TEAM-CBT therapist trained at Feeling Good Institute California.